My Surrogate Life: my perspective of a miracle part 4

Ok......so where did I leave off???? Oh, yeah....it was the part where I told Chris that I offered to carry a baby for Missy and Dave, after I had been on a mini vacay while he stayed home and took care of the kids.

Let me just give you a bit O' advice.......timing is EVERYTHING....and don't you forget it!!!  Needless to say, that may not not have been the optimal time to spring this bit of info on him. Therefore, at that particular juncture, he was not exactly thrilled. Let's just say that the amazing peace I felt was not mutual right then.  However, on the other hand, he wasn't upset or really surprised.

Now, keep in mind, our personal kids were only 2 and 4 years old. My oldest, Payne, was all little boy and if I say so myself, quite a little handful. Peyton was an easy baby, but having kids 22 months apart keeps everyone busy. There was also that little part that I mentioned about HATING the whole pregnancy thing. NO ONE was more aware of that fact than Chris. I KNOW you may find this hard to believe, but when I am not feeling well or am uncomfortable, I want someone to know it.....and that someone is always Chris. So, I understand why he didn't share the same enthusiasm as I had at first.....but if you know Chris, you won't be surprised that it was only a minute before he was as excited about this possibility as I was! We share the same values and ideas (for the most part) and when I explained the exact WHY WE NEEDED to do this.....he totally felt the same way......and lo and behold......he too felt the amazing peace!

When we began taking about it, Chris quickly realized that this was one of the big moments in our life......he knew it would change the course of our history for us, one way or another. He already knew how close Missy and I were and how much I valued our friendships. He also knew about my deep faith and my core belief of helping. He was also aware of my fierce sense of loyalty and unconditional love and knew that I felt that this was something I was meant to do. However, he also knew that I couldn't and wouldn't do it without, not only his consent, but his complete commitment and joyful enthusiasm.

I began by telling him of how heart broken Missy and Dave were and how I was worried about how all this was taking a toll on her body. He knew what both Missy and Dave had gone through and how they had sacrificed an incredible amount of their  heart, soul, mind and bodies.....not to mention time and money, in their quest toward parenthood. We also discussed the fact that they would be the best parents ever. They are both amazing, patient, caring, loving, kind and incredibly smart people (ok....Mis is smart BUT Dave is really super-duper smart.....the kind that would have a child that could perhaps find a cure for cancer....and I am not eve kidding about that either) and they wanted to be parents above everything else!! I also felt that this was a chance in a life time to teach my children what it means to be a real friend.......And not just with words.The final undeniable argument was when we talked about out greatest gifts in life....our 2 boys....and how they completed us. We felt that it would be a honor and a privilege to be a part of this modern day miracle........IF they ever decided to go the surrogate route.


Let me take a second to just say that there was no money involved in this. This is another question that most people want to ask but don't know how. We wanted to do this out of love.....in fact, I personally couldn't have done it if money was involved. When people hear me say this they often think that I am against paid surrogates and surrogates that don't know the people that they are carrying for.....but this is not the case. As I said, I believe the GREATEST gift on this earth is a child and I also believe God has allowed scientist to bring this gift to people in miraculous ways. I am so glad that people have options to help them fulfill their dreams in whatever way they can. I felt that helping Missy and Dave was just that......helping with no strings attached. Chris and I have been very blessed and I guess it was a way to "pay it forward". SO, to all those who wanted to know but were afraid to ask.....now you know.

After that Memorial Day weekend trip in 2001, I was ready to be the human incubator (and yes, Chris was now full of joyful enthusiasm).......so we waited.....

Meanwhile, Missy and Dave decided to try another fertility in Denver called Colorado Clinic of Reproductive Medicine (CCRM.....which btw, is the clinic Giuliana & Bill used to have their child this year). They knew several people that had had success and off they went. After about a year of more fertility drugs and procedures, Dr. Surrey gave them the heartbreaking news that he would do another IVF but felt sure it would not be successful. He told them that their best bet would to find a surrogate.....or to be exact a gestational carrier (because they had 8 frozen embryos). Missy told him that I had already offered a year ago......but she wasn't sure about anything at that point.

This was crushing news for them.......I can't even imagine the torment that they must have gone through. They had done sooooo much and worked so hard to have a child and sacrificed more than anyone could imagine and now that had to re-evaluate their life plan. Missy was in a really dark, sad place and everyone was worried.

Dave sent an email out in November and it is one I will never forget. It basically said that they weren't going to celebrate the holidays that year with anyone because it was just too painful at that time.....they were evaluating if they were going to live their life child free or peruse other avenues......THIS WAS HUGE! Missy LOVED to celebrate more than another person I knew!!!!!

I was teaching Kindergarten at the time and I read that heart wrenching email during my planning period in my quite classroom and began to cry. I sat at that desk with tears running down my checks and thought long and hard. I wanted to find just the right words to comfort my best friend and her husband....something profound that would snap her back into her joyful ,fun-loving, vibrant self.

I had all these great sayings and profound insights swirling around my head (because as you all know, I AM the best armchair psychologist that I know)......and suddenly, without my brain realizing  it, my hands typed these only these four little words...."THE WOMB IS FREE!".....and pressed send.......