My Surrogate Life: my perspective of a miracle part 5

I am sure you have all heard the saying "You don't know what you don't know"....... But this phrase took on a whole new meaning to me once I embarked on this surrogate journey!! Looking back, I realize that I was guilty of thinking I had a pretty good idea of how I would feel and how this journey would impact not only my life, but the lives of my family and friends........and I WAS SO WRONG!  I now know that we can only guess what the impact of our decisions will render.....and it makes my prayers that God will always open the right doors and shut the wrongs ones the most important prayer I will ever utter!!

Now, let's get on to the story....

Once the "eloquently profound" email was sent (you know the "MY WOMB IS FREE" one) I was at a loss. All I could do was sit and wait.....and that is exactly what I did.  And then I got the call that began the most amazing , life-altering ride of my (and my family's) life!

Missy called and said she gotten my email and we laughed......and cried.......and laughed so more. I told her I was completely ready to begin this journey.  I could hear the excitement in her voice but at the same time I could hear the strain of hesitation.

Right then, I realized a very important dynamic that most people don't understand......and I hope this will give people some much needed insight.  I knew this was going to be really difficult for her, because although it was an amazing chance to start a new life as a parent............at the same time,  it was the death of a dream............ the dream of being able to carry her own baby her own self!!!! I know that she was, is and always will be ETERNALLY grateful (again....one of those SO DEEP EMTIONS THAT THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR grateful) that she was going to have the chance to be a mother.........YET, in that moment, I again FELT (not just knew) but FELT that piece of her heart that died when she accepted my offer. It just goes to show that one can feel deep sorrow and extreme joy at the exact same time!! I am also surprised that as I type this today, my eyes fill with tears, almost a decade later......I never get use to finding  that old memories could still evoke such emotions!!!

Now, I will be the first to admit that being pregnant, for me, was not all it was cracked up to be.....in fact, I have said I HATED being pregnant. However, it is easy for me to say this for the very fact that I WAS ABLE to get pregnant and carry my own babies to full term. We often take things that come easy to us for granted......and that is exactly what happened to me. I will tell you that my perpesctive on being pregnant COMPLETELY changed........180 degrees during this process.....but I will get to that later.....I am getting ahead of myself....as usual!!

Back to the phone call......
SO......She told me that she and Dave had talked ALOT about what the next step was going to be for them and they had decided that if I was REALLY, REALLY, REALLY serious that they would take me up on my offer. She said that Dave asked her what her bottom line was......to try to continue to carry a baby or be a mom. Although, her heart REALLY wanted both, she knew what they had to do!!!

That night we talked on the phone for literally 4 hours or more. Missy was worried that I didn't know what I was really signing up for. In that phone call, we discussed all the obstacles, both real and percieved (and there were a ton because Mis had bought some books and had done research). Here were some of the obstacles on her epic list.....(1)they lived in Michigan and we lived in Alabama (not to mention we were using a clinic in Denver.......(2)I was teaching Kindergarten....  how would I explain it to the school district, parents, etc.......(3)my own kids were only 3 and 5.... (4)I would have to take shots every day for 3 or 4 months, not to mention the other meds.....(5)since I lived in the Bible Belt would people have a problem with it?..........(6) would I be able to do it physically with my sleep requirement and age?

The list went on and on and on and on.....and believe you me......we discussed every point into the ground (in fact....all the way to China I do believe). We laughed a lot on that never ending phone call (which is not unusual for us........we laugh constantly whe we are together) and we both knew we were ready.......or as ready as you can be for something like that!!!!

So, Missyy called CCRM and got the skinny on where to start. As I said previously, Missy and Dave already had 8 embryos that were frozen in Colorado, so now it was all me. She found out all the medical test that I would need before they would even schedule an appointment for me in CO and she was going to send me the paper work that my local doctor would have to fill out. It took Missy a few weeks to finally send the paper work (which again goes back to the reality of the letting go her dream and doing this herself) but I finall got it!

My first step was that I had to have a local doctor agree to work with the doctors in Colorado so I could be Missy and Dave's gestional carrier. So, I set up my first doctors appoint with my OB/GYN who delivered my 2 boys.

On January 20, 2003 I walked in to Dr. Kenny Harris' office  with a bundle of papers in hand and said, "I am going to carry a baby  or 2.....perhaps even 3 for my BFF .....who, by the way, lives in Michigain......and this is all going to go down in Denever Colorado. I will officially be under their care (the docs a CCRM) unti I am about 3 or 4 months preggers and I have to have a local cooperating doctor.......SO WHAT DO YA SAY......CAN I COUNT YOU IN??? "