My Surrogate Life: my perspective of a miracle part 3

We both graduated from college (even though I clearly went to the superior school, Auburn University...I will not bring that up because I do enjoy Missy's alma mater, Ohio University......and yes, I am aware of the unfortunate football season my beloved AU football team is currently experiencing.....however, this story is about nothing if not unconditional love, never ending support in both good times and bad, and undying loyalty.....therefore let me interject a War Eagle....no matter what!!)......I know....completely off track, but I did warn you this would happen in my earlier post....

......later both got married and later yet, both decided (right around the same time) it was time to start a family (all the while I was living in Auburn, Alabama and Missy was in Michigan). This is REALLY where the surrogate (gestational carrier) story begins....I swear!!! The family starting part was successful for me and Chris but not so much for Missy and Dave. I had a son in 1997, Payne (and let me just add for the record, be EXTREMELY careful what you name your child.....it tends to be a self fulling prophecy...just sayin')  and another son in 1999, Peyton.....and I knew my family was complete (I always knew I wanted 2 kids). Meanwhile, Missy was experiencing  problems. She began going to fertility doctors and, with the help of fertility drugs and procedures, was able to get pregnant many times but would miscarry each time. She went to doctors all over the US and tried everything....even experiential treatments.

Memorial weekend of 2001, Missy's younger brother was getting his wings. I flew out to Texas (where the ceremony was taking place) and met up with Missy (and her family) as well as Jill (our other BFF) and John (Dave's BFF). My husband,  Chris, had to stay home and work and keep our kids (who were 2 and 4 at that point). Missy had recently gone through another procedure and was pregnant again....and we were all so excited.

When we got there, Missy gave us the news that they thought she was having another miscarriage. The next day she was going to have to find a doc-in-the-box to have blood work done to confirm it, but she was pretty upset. We went out to the pool and when Missy took off her cover up I was SHOCKED!! One of her thighs looked like she had stuck the entire thing in black paint!!!! It was from some of the fertility drugs she was taking for the fertility program she was on at that time.

Not only was she going through another miscarriage, but her leg looked like it had been run over by a semi truck full of diet cokes!!! That is when I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.....

THIS, my friends, is when it all became clear!!! SO, I looked over at her and said, " Look, I am not good at many things, as we are all well aware of..... I can't cook or clean....I can't decorate, or sing or dance (even though God knows I continue to try....the sing and dance part at least)..... But what I AM really good at is carrying a baby and being a friend. I can so carry a baby for you!!! I am done.....I don't want any more personal children, but I  do want to do this for you!!! I love you and I can't stand to watch you go through all this.....and I'm not sure how much more your body can take!!

She just looked at me and she knew I was completely serious. We began talking about  the logistics...(which, come to find out, neither of us had ANY IDEA of the REAL process). As we talked, she knew that I was COMPLETELY CONFIDENT that we could make it work. Even though she was losing another pregnancy, a glint of hope came back in her eyes.....and I knew deep down everything was going to work out.

Now what is so ironic about this is that, although both of my pregnancies were very uneventful and problem free, I HATED BEING PREGNANT!!! Let me be clear...I didn't like being pregnant .....not even one little ioata! I complained for the entire 10 months (shocking ......I know :) I was hungry all the time, and SOOO tired and fat and miserable  and tired and did I mention fat?

........BUT I knew this was what was suppose to happen.  The peace I felt  as we talked about it came directly from God! There are several places in this story where words are inadequate for you to truly understand.....and this is one of them. My parents raised me in a Christian home via words , but more importantly ACTIONS. My mom taught me that we are put on this earth to help others...period. And I have a very strong belief that God can do ANYTHING......including letting us endure hardships that will eventually be a blessing if we will just be patient and keep faith in the midst of the adversity. In that moment God let me FEEL (not just know) but FEEL that it was going to be all right and everything would work out.

She told Dave of my offer and he wasn't ready for that step at that point. He knew how much Missy wanted to be a mom AND experience pregnancy 1st hand. And he knew deep down that Missy wasn't ready to throw in the towel for herself either. So, they became active in the RESOLVE association (which is the national infertility organization) and continued down the long and windy road of infertility doctors and procedures.

Meanwhile, I flew home to my husband and told him....." Hey, by the way, while you stayed home the last 4 days working and taking care of our children, I told Missy I would carry her baby for her...."





So..... again.....this was longer than I intended, but it is hard to find a stopping point. It is just so vivid in my mind and heart......I wish that I could find a way for you to experience the extreme emotions of this story (both sorrow and joy). As I have said, I had no idea what I was really getting into....but the complete sadness of Missy and Dave's journey turned into undefinable JOY.....until next time...:)